So I just discovered that vets get all emo too! Newbies: We are not alone.

I love reading derby blogs. I’m a professional blogger and website manager in my day job, so it’s only fitting that I use the web to connect with the derby community – especially since I’m not really affiliated with any league beyond boot camp.

While reading the blog of a rollergirl that I really admire, I was astonished to find out that she sees herself as just an “okay” skater. I was like… are you kidding me? The same girl that I’ve seen jump the apex? The same girl that I’ve seen jump over other skaters? The same girl that kicks ass at every bout, does maneuvers I can only dream about, and makes me feel all funny in my heart because she’s just so bad-ass (and also, because I’m a little gay)?

It was refreshing to read this because she actually wrote things that I think all the time about myself. I’m constantly having to remind myself to let go, have fun, stop worrying, just do it. I come home, and I list out all the shit I sucked at during boot camp. This amazing superhero of a rollergirl does the same thing after practices! And she even listed some of the basics that I hate, like plow stops and crossovers.

One would think that this would be disconcerting – like watching Icarus’ wings melt or some shit like that. But it’s not – it makes me respect and admire her even more. I have never loved a sport the way I love roller derby, and it’s the sexiest and most empowering thing to watch these women play and work hard for their derby glory. I fucking love it – even when I feel like I suck. Even when I feel like my legs are going to fall off. Even when I wanna cry.

Crazy how the vets get that way too. I’m actually pleasantly surprised that the learning and growing doesn’t stop after you’ve crossed the burning Fresh Meat sands. It makes me excited to see where I’ll be in a year, what growth will come my way.